10 ways to deal with constantly upset readers
11. Sep, 2009 
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It happens to many people. It probably happened to you too. Someone online has gotten upset over something you said or did through one of your online profiles like your blog or MySpace. Such a person may be disagreeing with you constantly over something, and also exhibiting a lot of anger. They may not be stalking you, but they also may not willing to ignore the things you say or do. How do you deal with someone who constantly disagrees with you or wants to argue and fight with you online constantly?
I have discussed the idea of giving up in winning arguments as a way to end fierce disputes. In such cases, while you may be completely right, you have to realize whether winning an argument will result in the same benefits and peace as would simply ignoring or losing that argument. So how do you deal with a reader who is constantly upset? Today I will tell you 10 ways through which you can try to deal with someone online who is constantly upset over your public online presence and writings.
Online, many disagreements happen simply because of some random keyboard strokes. If the disagreement exists solely due to pride over something like religion, country, race or culture, then you can decide whether or not simply ignoring or giving in to the other side in terms of saying they are right in their view, in order to simply move on, can be a good solution. Arguing about something like life or religion can be one thing. However, simply talking about it online in order to prove to others that they are wrong and that you are right, and for no other purpose, is something that can be ignored in my view.
10 ways to deal with angry people online who keep fighting and arguing with you
Here are 10 ways to deal with constantly upset people readers on your website or profiles.
- Talk to them privately outside of the public site to try to end the dispute.
- Find agreeable points and focus on them more than the disagreeable points to discuss and emphasize the disagreements.
- Tell them to leave. Yes, the elixir of life for many people: asking someone to disappear. If someone is really upsetting you for no good or valid reason, and you are not upsetting them, you can try to ask them to leave you alone, either for good or for a while.
- Ignore the person. This is another way to completely ignore the things that may be causing you stress because of the behavior of the constantly arguing person.
- Take time off yourself. Many times, simply taking a break yourself may help. Sure, the actions of someone else online cause you to change your life in this point. However, that change in your life can be a good change in this case, because without it you may continue to suffer because of the controllable angry emotional outburst of someone else, regardless of the reason. If you cannot fix it, take some time off from either your site or that person. The point is not to prove who is right. The point is to find a solution to you being bothered and having your life suffer due to the continuously upset nature of the other person.
This can also allow you to take some time off to think of better ways of answering the queries or upset remarks of the other person.
- If a quick response is important for you, or if the situation may get worse, in your view, should you not respond quickly, then one way is to actually focus on the details of the things that are being disagreed with, instead of the disagreement. If the disagreement is about the other person caring about abortion more than you, for example, then you can list out the elements of abortion and the things that cause controversies, instead of focusing on the other person.
Remember, disagree with arguments, and not with those that argue.
- Always include the other person into the consideration of your points, instead of excluding them or citing them as being wrong. For example, you could say the following:
I agree that the forests should be saved. I also realize what you are saying, that in order for progress to happen, trees must be cut in order to produce more paper and wood. Do you think there is a solution
The above quote is a good example of honesty, consideration and meaning. Avoid talking or acting like a stereotypically stereotyped salesperson by faking out your appreciation for the other person, or by sucking up to them in order to gain their support. Be real.
- Ask someone else, privately, to help intervene. If you cannot stop arguing, or cannot find a solution and the disagreement is dragging on, ask someone else privately if they are willing to intervene in order to either come up with a solution or with a resolution that results in no more arguments or heated debates.
- Ask yourself and the other person one of the elemental questions: “What is to be achieved from this argument? What do I wish to achieve from this argument? What do you wish to achieve from this argument?” The “Death of this argument!” can be a good answer to such questions also.
- Tell the person that they are not welcome around your online profile anymore. While trying to maintain contact with more people may seem like a good task, many times, cutting off ties that bring you nothing but stress is a very good step. If you have tried ending a dispute, and have also tried all the other options, and believe that the other person will keep on fighting with you even when you are not arguing about anything specific with them, simply tell them to leave. It is after this point that you can start to block them or report them to websites like Facebook and other places if they keep coming back to your online profile to upset you further.
How would you deal with a constantly upset reader online?
The above are 10 ways, among the many other, to deal with a constantly upset reader. From ignoring to dealing with the argument using different approaches to simply moving on, you can try to end fights and disputes online by actually focusing on the end solution. Some tips may work, while other tricks may need more tweaking. If you work on finding a solution, you will hopefully find a solution, and end the argument.
How would you deal with someone who is upset at you regularly and disagrees constantly? Would the very idea of a disagreement bother you, or would the idea of having to work on resolving an unending dispute bother you more?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks!
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great post as always!!!
KIMBALA!
RT at will! w00t!!!!
(^_^)
Thank you Rmilana! I really appreciate it.
Myu Kimbala! Shaulu!
I’m constantly upset reading your writings. Mainly because they’re great, but too few comments
Most people I constantly argue with are friend who enjoy arguing. Although, I no doubt have “upset” people with things I say. That’s mainly because they start an argument that’s out of place or not a conducive situation for arguing, so the gloves are off.
How I would handle it, if they are constantly upset? I guess that’s the question? Well, after an amount of time you can foresee where the arguments going. I’ll say “I’m done with this”, and I am done with it. They can keep going, such is the luxury they have on the internet. If they do it in a public place, I let it go. The others viewing the argument can take over if they wish and add to the arguing or just sit back and marvel at the idiot who won’t let go of it in silence. I never go “private” or join with others behind the scenes to settle anything, that usually just expands the endless argument in “private” or gets more people to waste their time on the argument you’re trying to resolve or end. Who wins/loses the argument becomes meaningless after awhile.
Would the very idea of a disagreement bother you, or would the idea of having to work on resolving an unending dispute bother you more?
The number of arguments I’ve been in over the years since the internet started lessens the impact it has on me. In fact I can’t remember an argument that has bothered me once I’m off the computer. As to working on resolving the “unending dispute” bothering me, as I said once I’m done, I’m done. It’s no bother to me.
As an aside, you might notice most arguments on the Internet are not like you’re sitting at the Algonquin Round Table
Anyway, I just woke up and am too serious :/ I hope what I R has written makes some sense. Good work as always!
*sidenote* Do an article on how to avoid being nosy. I text clicked the http://rmilana.com above and will never be able to watch a basketball game again.
How about just blocking them?
PumpkinHead, thanks for the reply.
Yes, what you wrote makes sense.
In your view, are arguments usually happening in order to find a mutual solution, or do arguments get started in order to prove someone wrong?
Your paragraph with “The number of arguments I’ve been in over the years since the internet started lessens the impact it has on me.” sentence is very important, though I wonder: does that happen because of the amount of time you have spent online over the years, because of realizing that online arguments can be ignored or should not be allowed to affect that much, or something else?
lol @ an article on avoiding being nosy. Ok, thanks! Will try to think of something.
Annie, thanks for the comment too. Yes, you could just block them, which would be one of the solutions if, in my view, you are being bothered a lot for an invalid reason, or in a situation where all the involved parties could benefit by simply ignoring each other and the situation peacefully and willingly.
At the same time, I wonder about the effect of being blocked on certain people: does it always result in a person realizing “I’ve been blocked! :@ I should try to live on other things thing!”?
I forgot about this. You’re hard to “follow”. I’m sure I commented on something in 1995 and they’re still waiting for a reply. Luckily, I was staring at my history in browser and found this.
In your view, are arguments usually happening in order to find a mutual solution, or do arguments get started in order to prove someone wrong?
Sure, a mutual solution would be the fruit of an argument in which the arguers want to come to a conclusion of sorts in order to further the cause of the argument that they have strong interests in. That’s mainly a dream world scenario on the internet though.
The example in your essay of deforestation. I can honestly say I don’t think about trees or deforestation or whales for that matter. It doesn’t consume my thoughts at all. Popular topics to some, yes. If I saw that posted as a topic on a message board and decided to join in for the sake of argument, just to argue, or have something to do for that period of time. No one would benefit. I’m still not going to think about deforestation after it and most likely the argument will degenerate into nothing because I have no facts to back up anything I’d counter-attack with. But, I’d still argue. I’ll still think I’m right in what I argue back with. And use things like “What are you doing about it besides typing on the internet?” “I bet you have a bumper sticker that reads ‘Save The Forests’ you rock!” “I bet you have reams of printer paper sitting around so you can print out ‘important’ things like a ‘Save the Forest’ poster” Then I’d get bored as most do and never return to that message board post. The forest after all that arguing is not saved and no solution was found. I still think I won and the intent of your post is still not resolved. And most likely you’re frustrated and mad if you really are concerned about deforestation. We argued, one of us had fun! That’s the internet.
Most, not all, on the internet start off dead set that they are right and won’t change no matter what is said. Some are just trying to irritate, some going for internet fame as trolls. Some, apparently, find hate very cathartic and let off some steam in arguing so you become their psychiatrist if you want to argue back.
Your paragraph with “The number of arguments I’ve been in over the years since the internet started lessens the impact it has on me.” sentence is very important, though I wonder: does that happen because of the amount of time you have spent online over the years, because of realizing that online arguments can be ignored or should not be allowed to affect that much, or something else?
Yes, I’ve been on since the BBS days. I’ve seen tons of arguments. There’s no accountability is there? You don’t really know the level of knowledge of most people you’re arguing with do you? You don’t know their personality do you? Suppose they’re taking a opposite position in an argument just for fun? Suppose they’re saying ridiculous things just get a response? The only people I would legitimately argue with are people I can answer those questions about and yes they would have an effect on me. That usually takes years to develop. And once you’ve built up so many that have accountability to you, you have to become more selective. So, outside of a small group I trust I’m not going to go in depth in any argument. It’ll just have to be internet entertainment for me if I read a person in a forum, IRC, message board and try to participate a little to respond to them. If anything, If I think they’re really trying to have a legitimate discussion, maybe try to throw in a question that’ll draw in more people to help them out.
I don’t believe in God or Science. I believe Unicorns existed though. Lets argue about it BesZ! :0
@Annie If you open yourself up and encourage a ventilation of views on a site, whatever they may be and however long they might last and even if you don’t like what they say, blocking, banning, muting etc is usually just a power trip so the person that started the argument wins! or appears to
Excellent post! Couldn’t express it myself any better. Hats off!!
I tend to follow the maxim that if you are not upsetting some people with what you right then you are clearly not doing a good job and are sitting on the fence way too much.
Everybody likes it when the rest of the world ponders our ideas or comments, say we’re intelligent and agree with our point of view. However, the truth is that some people think we’re stupid or that our comments are dumb. Dealing with these kind of people can be hard especially when they get rude at us. Whenever this happens to me in my blog I do my best to try to be nice to him or her and express my point of view. Trying to reach a middle point sometimes is too a good idea. If nothing seems to work, I often ban the person. It may not be democratic but I’m not perfect!
Blocking or banning people is temptatious. But I’m sure you can try to get their respect by following this interestign advice!
I don’t mind disagreements, but some people want to win at any price. I’ve posted for a while some literary works on a specialized website, and while I know I can handle critiques quite well, some people just don’t like it if you criticize them as well (in this case, review their works in return). They start taking it personally, and boy…what grudges I have witnessed. It basically drove me mad, and I finally left the website. Now I write just for myself, and really avoid getting in arguments with sensitive people.
If people take it personally, I don’t know what advices can help end a discussion.
Hi, retweeted in a glance. Very nice post. I see you changed the design – last time I’ve been here is a year or so ago. I like the widespread layout!
Back to the subject: I recently ran into such a struggle and my decision paid well as I just ignored the aggressor
Keep on your great work!
Very useful writings for the people who often fell into disputes. The 10 Points you described here will be helpful to those peoples.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I write just for myself, and really avoid getting in arguments with sensitive people.
Nice post… Grate tips… Thanks for sharing…
Yes really great post and great exprience thanks for share it.
Yes, this is very complete and well thought out.
I’ve never had to deal with a disagreeable person online, however can imagine the frustration. I personally would seek the help of Facebook, Twitter or whatever forum admin you are using. I would think this to be the most expedient.
The forum admin could private message the offender and tell them to stop with the harassment. This would be a far more comfortable solution.
Thanks for the share, I really like the way you put it.
WOW very nice post and blog
Helo from Sweden! Sorry for my bad english.
Hehe what a great post! 
That I have been through too many times. Will bookmark this post and I’ll come back when it happens again. 
Thanks for a great blog! / Patrik from Sweden!
I’m running a large website on a “famous person” and I have this happening way too often and people consider me radical as my ways of solving these things are often C and J from your post. I think you just made me feel better.
Great blog! Definitely enjoy your point of view. Your advice was very helpful…
I’ve suffered with this problem of being criticized at times and the best thing I did was exactly what you said in tip number four: ignore the person.
I realized that I can never please everyone and therefore will always receive criticism about what I write, so I ignored all the bullshit they told me and suddenly everything stopped.
I usually use a plugin to just block their IP address, but only if it is absolutely needed.