I Have a Problem With “You”
15. Feb, 2008 
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I’ve been having a problem with “you” lately. Not you you, but “you”, as in the word.
This site gives out a lot of advice and pointers, and we try to give it away without directly harming any one particular individual (with the exception of perhaps John Chow).
I was reading through our archives and it seems that the posts the readers reacted to the most (in the form of comments) were the articles that spoke to them, but not “at” them. In other words, the article spread the message through commentary and example rather than direct preaching.
Replacing “You” With “One”, “Her”, or “He”
Please consider the following sentences as an example:
- You need great content.
- You need to respond to comments.
- You need to stop being like so many other bloggers.
In the above sentences, having “you” in there seems like a call to action. Perhaps a conviction in the case of the last bullet. By taking “you” out of the sentences, one can make the point much less direct.
Taking “you” out of the equation, here’s what I came up with:
- When “one” writes great content, “he” (or “she”) makes an attempt…
- “One” responds to comments when he wants the reader to feel a connection with the author.
- It seems when “one” becomes like other bloggers (posting what everyone else is posting about), he becomes an automated robot regurgitating the filth of the blogosphere.
Taking “you” out of the above sentences is providing a non-confrontational call to action.
Replacing “You” With “I”, “Me”, or “My”
Instead of replacing “you” with a third-person substitution, one can make it first-person.
Consider the following sentences:
- You should be more transparent.
- You need to be more proactive.
- You shouldn’t place ads within the content.
The sentences are almost insulting and accusatory, as if they’re saying you’re “not” transparent or proactive even though you may be.
When I replace the harsh and accusatory “you” with something less direct, I come up with:
- I wish more bloggers were transparent in their practices.
- My goal is to be more pro-active in responding to comments and e-mails. Too many times I’ve been ignored when corresponding with others.
- I personally feel tricked when a blogger tries to influence me with ads placed within the content.
By changing out “you” with a personal touch or conviction, I have taken the focus off of the reader and onto myself. If a reader is convicted, it is indirectly.
Some “You” Examples
Let me clarify something: using “you” in your articles isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I just did. But I’ve read too many articles (some here even) that attack or directly speak to the reader when the intention isn’t there.
In one fairly recent article, I wrote about how to lose readers. I used a combination of “you” language and personal examples to get the message across. I did try to avoid directly attacking the reader of the article by replacing “you” where appropriate with a less direct form.
Another example is a short story I wrote entitled, “The Lost Comment.” I went through a scenario as a first-time commenter. Not once did I directly engage the reader in the post.
In another short story, I wrote about bloggers who edit readers’ comments. Again, I approached this from the first person and pretended I was a reader. Any accusations were indirect.
And in this final example, I wrote an article that asked, “Where are you when you’re not on your blog?” I primarily used “you” language because it was my intention to talk directly to the readers. And the readers responded very well to the post. However, I did try to make the majority of my points non-accusatory.
Conclusion
Clearly using “you” is not bad in the majority of cases. It’s a great way to make things personal for both you and the reader.
One doesn’t always want to directly talk to the reader, and in those cases, the word “you” can be easily replaced. Replacing the word can even lead to more personal examples, rather than just preaching.
I’ll end with this quote from a personal narrative article I stumbled upon on the Internet:
Don’t tell the reader what he or she is supposed to think or feel. Let the reader see, hear, smell, feel, and taste the experience directly, and let the sensory experiences lead him or her to your intended thought or feeling. Showing is harder than telling.
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Excellent post Ronald. I’ve never considered that using ‘you’ might be read as an accusation. I try to use it to engage with my readers but clearly I should think more about it when I do.
This is funny how languages can differ sometimes. For example, in Romanian, “one should be more transparent” and “you should be more transparent” are both of them translated with the equivalent of the second one. Not having one of these constructions in the native language makes it more difficult to understand. When I first heard “one should do ….”, my first thought was “Who is “one”?”
@Andrew,
Thanks for the compliment. Using “you” isn’t bad, just only when it is unintentionally attacking or talking down to someone.
@Simonne,
I can definitely relate to the language differences. There’s not really anything equivalent in Spanish either. Think of “one” as saying, “a person”. For example, “When one does…” can be replaced with, “When a person does this…” or even “When someone does…”
Hope that helps clarify
Very good point, Ronald. I constantly think about overusing “you” in my posts. Sometimes I replace it with “I” or “We”, but when I write it in a third person, I don’t want to offend any gender and usually end up writing somethings like: “One responds to comments when he/she wants the reader to feel a connection with the author.”
But then I’m not sure if it’s okay to write like that – he/she?
Please forgive the seemingly unrelated comment to your post.
I have just this morning found your site whilst doing a search for wordpress comment plug-ins.
I have been concentrating on making my blog comment/people friendly so have been researching better ways to do this, without overloading my poor plugin library.
The moment I started reading this site I was hooked. So OK, i was/am in bed with a nice coffee with my laptop. I havn’t got around to reading much much have read some of your more recent articles and have found them incredibly useful.
It’s great to have a site like this that is geared around these issues. So have signed up and will be a regular commentator for sure. I love leaving comments, I tend to waffle a bit, but certainly tend to exercise my fingers. So just humour me. :0)
Will look forward to receiving more updates. BTW, just going to test one your edit comment plugin which was how I ended up here.
Great stuff,
Graham Smith
ImJustBlogging
Blog and Web Ramblings from my Gutter.
Graham Smith »
Thanks for visiting. I’m glad you find this site so useful. If there’s anything I can do for you, or if you have anything you would like us to write about, please let me know.
InspirationBit (Vivien) »
I was always taught in English class it is okay to use he/she. Using which one is a matter of preference.
very, very, very good points.
love the image, too, it does exactly what you talk about in your post: rather than saying “you should not always use the word ‘you’”, it illustrates visually the sometimes a bit accusatory nature of heaping our readers with advice.
Thanks Isabella,
I’m glad you liked my points and image. I almost thought it was too blunt
BTW, we have another reader here from Vancouver. Vivien from Inspiration Bit above in the comments. Do you know her by chance?
Anyways, thanks for the comment.
oh yes, i know vivien, even did a guest post on her blog the other day. she’s a wonderful woman, face-to-face, too! if you haven’t been to her blog yet, please go there, she has one of the best IT blogs out there.
also know simonne.
it’s funny, there are millions of blogs out there but after a while it becomes a pretty small world …
@Isabella,
Yes, Vivien is a wonderful woman. I’ve worked with her a lot in the past. She came up with the idea for the “Edit Comments” plugin, and we’ve had a mutual blogger relationship with plugins/guest posts.
It is indeed a small world.
and you know what, i didn’t even find you through vivien. i found you on stumbleupon, through someone who had stumbled one of MY posts!
It is indeed a small world, especially the world of blogs. I’m surprised though that you haven’t “met” each other before – I’ve talked quite a lot in past about Ronald and his plugins on my blog and only last week I introduced Isabella as a guest writer on Inspiration Bit and mentioned that we know each other in the off-line world as well…
actually, i think i’ve been here before. ronald, your name sounded a bit familiar but what stood out was the font/design of your blog name, i definitely remember that.