Not appreciating some comments or commentors may not be bad
03. Apr, 2007 
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With all the focus on being thankful and appreciative to readers these days, one might think that there can never be a time when you should not appreciate your readers. In my view, there can be times when you might feel the need to simply ignore someone, or to even show someone that you do not appreciate their actions or comments. You should realize if you wish to do such things on your blog, for that will save you a lot of headaches later on when you get comments that challenge the very things you find logical.
Basic rule: not appreciating does not mean disrespecting
What I would like to talk about here is the existence of the possibilities when you may feel the need to refrain from showing appreciation to people based on what they say. You should always keep in mind that just because you do not appreciate someone does not mean you disrespect them. Imagine appreciating your boyfriend/girlfriend everyday when they cook something for you by saying “Thank you.” On certain days because of your boyfriend/girlfriend doing something on those days, you may avoid saying “Thank you” all together. It may send a signal to the other person that on certain days, you do not appreciate them doing or believing in certain things. In this article, I would like to talk about that possibility of sending signals by not appreciating your commentors because of what they say. I am assuming you know how to respect someone when you are not thanking them for something.
Should you always appreciate others?
One of the things I like about businesses is that they have the “Customer is always right” mentality. One of the things I hate about businesses is that they have the “Customer is always right” mentality. Such a mentality can help entities appreciate readers, and it can also help fake appreciation that results in fake appreciation in the long run. On your blog, you might find someone saying something which you may not like. Appreciating such a person may seem as if you are somehow agreeing to the commentor in question. Sometimes you may feel like refraining from appreciating a user completely in order to make your point. I personally try to avoid taking positions on things, as I prefer showing people that I appreciate their input and their thoughts. However, just because I try to avoid certain things does not mean those things are are wrong, or that others should not try them.
Once again, you should know that just because you do not appreciate a reader does not mean you have to disrespect them. With that in mind, think of the most sensitive subject that you have strong opinions about. It could be religion, politics, something related to your children, or even something related to the concept of life. If someone posts a comment on your site that supports the very things you try to oppose everyday, it can be hard to convey your point if you appreciate that commentor in even the slightest form. One of the easiest ways to not appreciation a commentor is to appreciate their input on every other topic other than the one you have strong feelings about. That will show the commentor that you respect them, and that you are willing to show strong disagreements in different ways on some topics.
Example of a situation where not appreciating a commentor may be better than appreciating that commentor
While at a friend’s house recently, a guest started discussing the topic of rape and tried to show how most of the times the rape is the fault of the very victims who get raped. That guest basically said that most rape victims trust other people too much, and thus they are the ones who should be blamed for not being cautious on dates and when meeting new people. Surprisingly, another guest who was present at the gathering was a rape victim who immediately went on the offensive, trying to prove logically that rape victims are not to blame at all. That guest only tried to prove their point, but also attacked the logic and the mentality of the other guest directly, trying to show that anyone who thinks that rape victims are to be blamed is just like a rapist too. Everyone at the gathering was shocked at the two guests attacking each other with really strong opinions backed up with really strong logic. The rape victim was showing the other guest that having a certain kind of mentality deserved no respect.
Here is a question for you, based on the above example:
Without focusing on the issue of rape itself, do you think it is ok to show disrespect to anyone based on their belief about something that you have strong feelings and opinions about?
The answer to that question will let you know whether or not you are the type of person who will want to show no appreciation to certain readers based on topics like religion, crimes, patriotism, etc.
Online, sometimes it can be ok to not appreciate your commentor
Now, apply the same example above to the concept of blogs. Imagine a blogger who gets a comment that attacks his/her strongest beliefs in some unexpected way. Such a blogger would find themselves in a position to act in a way that showed no appreciation to the commentor, for doing otherwise may probably mean that they support the commentor in even the most indirect ways. Any topic other than the topic of rape may warrant a stance where you have to focus completely on the topic and not on the commentor at all. However, that also means that everyone person has their own set of strong points that they simply cannot let go. A commentor should understand from their personal life that if a blogger does not appreciate their comment about a certain issue, it does not mean that the commentor is not welcome to that blog. It only means that a blogger has strong opinions about a certain topic. A commentor can choose to pursue their stances on a blog if they wish, the same way a blogger can choose to pursue certain stances in response to certain comments if they wish.
Can the concept of not appreciating someone be abused? Does every topic warrant the art of not showing appreciation to people and comments that disagree?
Yes, and No! Let me say that again in even clearer words. People can abuse the concept of not appreciating others, consciously and unconsciously. Not every topic in life deserves the art of not showing appreciation to disagreeing comments. In life, people have different opinions about different things. The things I like may be the things you hate. Similarly, the things I do not appreciate may be the things you appreciate. Sometimes people can find themselves in positions where they are not appreciated for things they believe in. For example, I might go to a religious site and not be appreciated by someone because of me not believing in certain religious stuff, or for even not believing in religion at all. I might not even disrespect that religious person, but they might feel offended by my words or actions.
Is there a way to avoid not appreciating others based on different things that may result in others being treated unfairly? I think there is a very easy way to judge when you should not appreciate others while maintaining respect. If a person is expressing strong opinions about others that show no appreciation to people who believe otherwise, I think you can go ahead and show them that you do not appreciate what they express, without showing disrespect. For example, if a person comes to your site and says “Hey you, Mars is better than your country“, you can go ahead and say “I do not appreciate that you say my country is bad when I haven’t said anything about Mars!” or “I think America is good too” Why? Because the other person is directly showing a form of not appreciating you because of something. If you believe the exact opposite of what they believe in and you simply cannot let go of your feelings, you can go ahead and say what you believe in. I would personally try to avoid getting mingled up in concepts like patriotism, as on the internet different topics which cannot be solved easily face to face can escalate to hostility beyond what many people think. Similarly, topics like religion should not be argued about when possible. Unless someone is showing you disrespect on purpose because of religion, you should avoid going deep into the issue. Now, for topics like rape, how to raise your children, relationships, ethics, etc, you can go ahead and send strong vibes to others by expressing yourself, by not appreciating others and by also not disrespecting others at the same time.
Figure out why you want to avoid showing appreciation to others
Appreciating people is fine. On my blog, I have sometimes been attacked on the most personal levels because of talking about things like racism emerging from the minority groups towards the mainstream population. However, in my view, just because someone attacks me online does not mean I have to attack back. I have always communicated with each and every commentor on some level, even if they were attacking me. You cannot force someone to change their mentality online through harsh words, but you can try to show others what you think of certain things and why you think those things. Most of my friends do not have the same views about many things that I believe in, and vice versa. Even then, there is no disrespect flowing back and forth between us. Why? Because we know that avoiding any appreciation is better than disrespecting someone. We disagree over things, we agree over things, and we simply avoid disrespecting each other when possible. That is the key to good relationship of any kind.
Not appreciating someone is a form of communication where you want to send a strong message to someone. In my view, you should not jump to appreciating everyone simply because it is a cool thing to do. Also, in my view, you should not jump to disagreements simply because you passionately believe in something or because you have strong feelings about something. Not thanking a person at all may work if you focus solely on the topic, as you may not want to spend time appreciating a person, but may want to spend all your time and effort on showing that a certain point or a logic may be better.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to appreciating your readers, and also when it comes to showing no appreciation to your readers. Figure out if a comment really deserves appreciation, and figure out if a comment really deserves no appreciation. Also figure out if a comment simply deserves an acknowledgment. Sometimes not appreciating someone shows your stand on something. In life, there are thousands of ways to respect people even if you do not appreciate certain things about them. Try to apply that concept to your blog when you try to figure out whether or not a commentor deserves no appreciation from you.
For the record, Mars is better and cooler than any country on this planet. If you argue otherwise, I may have to stop appreciating your comments about Mars.
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Here’s an example of too much appreciation: When a person says, “Thank you ma’am” when you are a sir, or “Have a nice night” when it’s bright and 100 degrees outside.
BTW… I’ve heard Neptune is a lot cooler than Mars.
btw, Businesses don’t always follow their mantra – “Customer is always rightâ€
and Venus is the best planet of all – that’s where Women Rock!
on a more serious note, I have a question to you – how thin/thick is the line between ignoring the offending commenter and not appreciating him/her?
Good thing we’re not on Venus
I would say, the line is fairly thick. When it comes to trolls, they are best ignored. It’s hard to appreciate commenters such as these. However, if the commenter has a legitimate grievance, it might be best to reply via e-mail.